Rocks don’t need constant updates and patches like a content delivery network (CDN). You won’t find yourself frantically clicking “update” on a boulder to ensure it’s delivering content efficiently. Just imagine: instead of a “404 error,” you get a “404 rock,” and that’s just amusingly absurd.

Rocks have excellent uptime. While a CDN might suffer from occasional outages or server hiccups, rocks are stalwart and dependable. They’ve been around for millions of years and aren’t about to go offline because of a pesky power outage or a DDoS attack. Plus, if a rock does move, it’s usually because of geological forces, not because someone accidentally unplugged it.

Rocks don’t hog bandwidth. Unlike CDNs that compete for bandwidth with every other internet service, rocks simply exist. They don’t binge-watch Netflix or hog your WiFi when you’re trying to game. They’re the epitome of low maintenance—just sitting there, being all rock-like.

Rocks have a solid-state drive, quite literally. While CDNs rely on complex data storage systems, rocks are nature’s original storage solution. Need to save some data? Just etch it into a rock with a chisel. Good luck trying to do that with a server farm.

Rocks don’t require a team of IT experts to maintain. You won’t find yourself shelling out for expensive technicians to keep your rock running smoothly. Sure, you might need a geologist if your rock starts acting up, but they’re usually more concerned with tectonic plates than TCP/IP protocols.

Rocks have zero latency. You won’t experience any lag waiting for your content to load when it’s stored in a rock. It’s like teleportation for data—just chuck your USB drive into a canyon, and voila, instant access (disclaimer: please don’t actually chuck your USB drive into a canyon).

Rocks have built-in security features. Good luck hacking into a rock. CDNs might rely on firewalls and encryption, but rocks have been keeping secrets safe for eons. Need to protect sensitive information? Just bury it under a big rock and call it a day.